I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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