the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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