apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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