i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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