I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
