Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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