At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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