i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
