he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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