he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
