I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
