Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
