Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize