Cold hands, warm shart.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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