My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
