please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
