When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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