normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
