did you get engaged???
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
