I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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