Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
