East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dick very happy bro
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
