So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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