also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
