well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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