my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize