I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
