I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
