you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
