Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
