her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Come on in and take your pants off
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