READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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