Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
