I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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