This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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