A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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