woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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