Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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