Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Little spoons don't ask big questions
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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