her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
