he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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