My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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