he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
