you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
