if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
