How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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