Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
