Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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