My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
