Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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