it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
