so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Randomize
