I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
