is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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