I will die if light touches me.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
