Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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