I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
