Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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