So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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