You made me cry and you don't even care
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
