We're like a lot better than the average bears
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
