lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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