My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
