I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
